In this week's Wellness Corner, I want to explain what I feel the differences are between competitiveness and comparing, and how I’ve been able to live a happier life because of recognizing those differences!

I am competitive (I get it from my mom). The thrill of beating my husband (occasionally) at a round of horse makes me giggle. It feels like I won Jeopardy when I can name a song title and band name before anyone else as it starts to play. Monopoly? You bet I’m out for blood. 

Competitiveness can be a very healthy attribute to have, minus the gloating (I’m guilty!). Being competitive can give you the motivation to be better and push yourself. It can help you admire people that are, in your eyes, succeeding. Competitiveness may even create drive and inspire you to set new goals for yourself which is great (and has done wonders for me). But there is a fine line between competitiveness and comparing. 

I, like many of us, was a victim of constant comparison, and not the healthy kind. I found myself on Facebook endlessly looking at other people's profiles and comparing my pictures to theirs, comparing my job to their job, comparing their perceived happiness to my happiness. While I was processing the information I was seeing, it quickly turned into self-pitying or victimizing thoughts against myself. I would ask myself what was wrong with me that I couldn’t be as happy, or have that dream job, or have that flawless skin. The questions turned into negative self-talk:  “You’re not that good, smart, or worthy of a happy life”. To be honest I wasn’t aware that I was doing it at the time. Comparison can be subtle in the way it needles itself into our lives. But looking back on it now, it was part of my routine every single day. Comparing myself over and over again every day was making me miserable. I was unhappy, negative, and self-sabotaging. It was hard for people to have a conversation with me because of the negative, self-deprecating comments I would make, making other people feel uncomfortable. 

Teddy Roosevelt said, "Comparison is the thief of joy" and he couldn't have been more right. It was during the beginning of my wellness journey when I saw that quote. It resonated and struck a chord with me so much that I knew I needed to change in order to live a happier, more fulfilling life. 

These were the major changes I started practicing to stop me from comparing myself to others:

1. Focus your energy on what YOU are doing 

Instead of focusing on what everyone else was doing, turn your attention back to what you are doing! Doing this gave me clarity on what I could control (like my effort), for instance, my gym routine at Western. Could I get lost in looking at other people’s routines, what machines they’re using, how they’re doing it, and comparing how my body looks to theirs? Of course! But I made the decision to spend that time and energy focusing on what exercises feel right to me and make me happy and...voila! I began to see a shift in my feelings of self-worth! 

2. Realize that the majority of people did not wake up one day with everything they have now

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a professional singer but didn’t think I was talented enough as all the famous singers out there. I mean, Lady Gaga is amazing but I doubt she woke up one morning and was a superstar. People have to WORK to build their skills. And skills are learnable. I just had to find out which skills were most valuable to me. It was also important to me to realize that everyone is in a different part of their journey. Experience, practice, and opportunities play into each person’s journey. I choose to support people and cheer for them on their journey but overall I keep my eyes focused on my own path. 

3. Everyone has an opportunity 

I used to feel that if someone had something or did something I wanted to do, that meant there was lesser of a chance for me. Now I know that's simply not the case. Opportunities exist for all of us! Something someone else has that I also want just might not happen the same way for me and that's okay! Part of the fun is figuring it out! 

4. Only compare yourself to who you were yesterday 

Going forward, if I’m going to compare myself to anyone, it will be to the person I was yesterday. Each day is a new day to be better. A better wife, friend, listener, money manager, sever, human. To me, that is progress. 

I still have my competitive nature, but my biggest competition is myself and who I’m striving to be. This has changed my level of joy in my body and life tenfold. 

What might you need to let go of in order to stop comparing yourself to others? If you need some extra help on the journey to self-acceptance and a life filled with happiness, consider Wellness Coaching! Western's new Wellness Coaching services offer one-on-one coaching to help you find and implement strategies personalized to your goals. We all need a little help getting on track sometimes! As a certified Health Coach and Life Coach, my greatest passion lies in holding the vision of who you want to be and helping you take each actionable step towards that version of your best self, and not only give you tangible tools, but also listen, understand, and believe in you. Check out westernracquet.com/wellness-coaching to learn about all our options and see what might be the right fit for you, wherever you are in your wellness journey.